I remember laying in my hospital bed, watching my little newborn sleeping. Juliana went through periods of rapid eye movement, whimpering and smiling. Sometimes her eyes would jolt open and then close several seconds later. The worst was when her eyes opened and then rolled back into her head – I nearly had a heart attack. I quickly realized that sometimes she would wake up and then go back to sleep within seconds. I guess this is one of the benefits of being in the hospital for a week after giving birth – you have more time to lay around and get to know your baby.
The midwives had me on a strict schedule to nurse her every 2 to 4 hours. If I reached 4 hours without nursing, I had to wake her up. It was hard to wake an infant that desperately wanted to sleep. I kept hearing Phoebe from the TV show Friends in the back of my head saying, “you never wake a sleeping baby,” to Rachel when she wanted to wake her newborn. Of course, she wakes Emma and the entire show is about her trying to get the baby to stop crying.
I kept Juliana on this schedule when I brought her home from the hospital because I was afraid of what would happen if she went over 4 hours without eating. I called my mom and told about our schedule. She said, “Let that poor baby sleep! If she is hungry then she will wake up.” That was my first night I got a full sleep since the beginning of my pregnancy. I did, however, wake up one time in the night to check she was still breathing – I was terribly afraid of SIDS (suddden infant death syndrome). But she was breathing and looking content, so I fell back asleep.
From this point on, my baby slept every night for 8 to 10 hours. I was the luckiest new mom alive! Then we moved to the south of France. I am not sure what happened, but all of a sudden my daughter started waking up every 2 to 4 hours. I thought she was going through a growth spurt and needed the extra milk. We visited a pediatrician last week for her monthly appointment and were told that she is slightly underweight. I told her about the sleepless nights. She said that it is nothing to be concerned about and I should take a medicine and drink a special tea to increase my milk supply.
Of course, I got worried. At home I realized that my milk supply could not be the problem. Only a week earlier I was pumping milk because I had too much so my breasts were aching. After she was done with her next meal, I tested and there was still plenty left. Juliana also soaks her diapers normally, so I know she is ingesting a lot of milk. Breastfed babies are normally a little lean. I did not go to the pharmacy for this prescription.
Last night I was desperate for a full night of sleep. I could not find a reason why she would be waking during the night after not doing this for the first 4 months of her life. I wanted to see if she is doing it for comfort or really hungry. She fell asleep at around 10pm and woke up at 12am . She complained for a little while and reached for my shirt (she is still sleeping with us). I caved in when it sounded like she was about to cry. When I realized she switched to using me as a pacifier, I drew away.
She complained for 15 seconds and then quietly stared into my eyes. I rolled on my back, but could not resist giving her a last kiss for looking so cute. I then told her good-night and closed my eyes. Whenever I peaked open my eyes, I noticed her eyes were closing more each time and still staring directly into my mine. Eventually, she fell asleep and we had our first full night of rest in a month! She woke again at 8am.
I just started reading Bringing up Bebe by Pamela Druckerman and she discusses how babies in France are expected to sleep their nights from their first few months. A frequent question I receive is if Juliana is sleeping her nights, of which I have always been able to proudly say yes. I did not realize that it was expected here. She mentions that French mothers do “the pause,” which is waiting a few minutes to see if the baby is truly awake or making noises in her sleep. I just happened to notice this about my daughter in the hospital, but my French husband seemed to know about it as well. Sometimes we would hear her wake from a nap while eating dinner and he would tell me to wait a moment to see if she is really awake. It seemed most of the time she was just making noises in her sleep or would fall back to sleep quickly. It is important to make sure that your baby is truly awake before going to her or else she will get used to waking up in between her sleep cycles.
I think Juliana started getting used to using me as a pacifier in between sleep cycles because as soon as she would wake (or seem awake), I would feed her so she would not wake up my husband. He was busier than usual this past month so I tried to take extra care to not wake him. Turns out I ended up creating a bigger problem for me. Since last night was a Friday night, I did not care. Lets hope I have learned how to break the cycle and Juliana is back to sleeping her nights. Mamma’s tired!
Photo: Juliana’s second night at home from the hospital – she was 7 days old. I was so tired that I photographed her using my Blackberry instead of finding our camera.
Sixtine And The Little Things says
Hi,
Thanks for sharing your sleeping story !
I am in the opposite situation for I live in North America (Canada), and I am from France.
I was asked about the sleeping situation very shortly after my daughter’s birth. And like you said, it is expected in France that your newborn will sleep through the night – usually, in her own room. It doesn’t seem the “norm” here as I often am told how lucky I am. I do still use the pause and it is been working wonderfully. She is been a good sleeper since she was about 2 months old. I will share your post on my Facebook page ! All the best.
French Mamma says
Yeah, I am also abnormal here by having her sleep with us. My husband does not mind because she sleeps through the night and I think he enjoys waking up to her smiles. She is just such a happy baby in the morning – everything makes her giggle, even if you just smile back at her. When she is about 6 months old and back on her routine of sleeping through the nights, I will put her in her own bed in our room. When she is good with that, I will move her to her own room. I do not think there is a right or wrong – every family should do what is best for them. I do not understand the criticisms. Every child is so different, with different needs.
I do not think babies normally sleep through the night in the USA. I honestly did not think it would be possible to have a baby sleep throughout the night before at least 2 years old. Everyone told me to say goodbye to full nights! Then here I was, getting more sleep with an infant than I did while pregnant (woke up constantly to pee!).
I am glad to hear that you have a good sleeper – makes life so much easier, no?
Gertie K Costello says
Hi there,
I also breast fed in France. I think that one of the reasons the French expect babies to sleep through the night is because they’re not that into breast feeding. I also didn’t my find the doctors supporting of it (maybe because it can’t be ‘measured’?). I found it was a struggle, but one that I persevered with because I felt it was important.
I do, however, believe in ‘the pause’! I’ve never heard it called that but realised after a while that I too was guilty of going in the room over every single cry. Your baby has probably also sensed the adjustment of the move you just went through. Another factor is that she could just be growing through a growth spurt and is simply more hungry than normal. The truth is, and the most frustrating thing, is that you will never REALLY know. Trial and error and see what works!!
Hang in there.
French Mamma says
Hi, thanks for your input! I also found a lack of support with breastfeeding – especially when having issues with it at the hospital. They really tried to push artificial on me and mocked me when I refused. One peuricultrice said to my husband that if it is good for most parents then it is good for me to. They were trying to sell him on artificial and convince me that what I was doing was not good. My milk came late, even though I was in the normal range… they were telling him that my daughter would starve. It was horrible because he did not know who to believe (thankfully he supported me). I am also glad to have persevered because I really wanted to do it for my daughter. Artificial is fine, but I knew there was no need for me to personally do it. I work at home with a flexible schedule… if breast milk is better, then why not do it? I enjoy it and do not mind it at all – I am very glad we did not cave in to the doctors.
I think this author coined the name “the pause” to try and explain what she was observing. The worse was when I would go in to check on her, find out she was really asleep and then accidentally wake her up when trying to leave. I thought too it was a growth spurt, but she is playing and sucking like a pacifier… so maybe it is a comfort thing because of the move. We are also now living in a high altitude, which may also play a part. I just need to try to get her to not think of me as a human pacifier in the evening, like last night. She only complained for about 15 seconds (which was so cute, I tried so hard not to laugh). Then we had the stare-down… she just stared deeply in my eyes, waiting for me to crack. It was hilarious.
L.A. Fortune says
Juliana is THE cutest!! 😉
This post couldn’t be more appropriate – I too am dealing with 2-3hr wakes during the night, it’s been going on for 3 weeks (he’s just turned 4 months), yet Baby was previously managing to sleep 8hr stretches.
It’s Number 2 here; for Number 1 (who I breastfed for 14 months in all), I didn’t know about “the pause” and totally fell in the trap, for naps and at nighttime. Then when I wanted to break the cycle, I was too worried about the crying and waking up hubby (a veeeery grumpy man when woken).
What’s weird this time round is that Number 2 DOES know how to get to sleep on his own (no need to rock or nurse, a bit of whimpering and he’s out for the count). Our doctor suggested insufficient milk supply combined with a growth spurt, and recommended introducing a bottle of powder milk in the evening, which I totally didn’t want to do, and it got me stressing.
3 weeks later I’m pretty sure it’s not a growth spurt, and I’m confident that my milk’s there and doing the job. For a while I increased the number of daytime feeds (quite tricky at times when Baby isn’t hungry), and that made absolutely no difference at night. And I don’t think it’s “the pause” because Baby is really worked up and crying from the onset, even if I cuddle him or give him his dummy, it doesn’t calm him down, nothing does apart from a feed. I’m aware this is possibly giving him a “bad habit”, and it does seem strange that he would have developed a sudden need to use Mummy for comfort in the middle of the night….
Basically I’m just confused and trying to sit it out, patiently… 😉
Can I just add that I’ve not read Druckerman’s book, but I have read reviews which summarise her main ideas in this one and the “throwing food” one, and I have to say I’m quite shocked that she can make such bold statements about an entire nation/culture, reducing it to just generalities and stereotypes. I have TONS of French friends who are mums and PLENTY of them have babies who aren’t sleeping through the night. A lot of them are also fervent “maternantes”, breastfeeding for well over 12 months, co-sleeping, and carrying baby around in a sling etc.
Perhaps you could do a review of the book for a future post, let us know what you thought of it? 😉
Jennifer says
My daughter’s 6 1/2 months and has woken up 2-3 times for the last 10 or so nights, when before she’d sleep from 7pm to 5am, or even 6.30am, no problem. In her six-month check-up she’d broken her growth curve slightly, but try as I might I cannot get her to eat more -she’s now having 3 “meals” as well as breast milk in between. Like you, I don’t think hunger is the problem (although I have noticed that I have less milk in the evenings so have been expressing throughout the morning for the late afternoon feed, which she’s generally not even interested in) so I too think it’s just a comfort thing. After reading your comments and those of other readers I think I might try “the pause” and see what happens – if she’s really hungry I’m sure she’ll let me know!
Anyone got any tips on how to get your baby to eat more? I’m sure it’s just in my daughter’s genes to be lean, but I can’t help worrying! I don’t limit the food she eats – if she wants more, I’ll give her more, and the same goes for time at the breast. The trouble is she just loses interest- she’s always trying to get at other things, sit up, play with my face, pull my hair or poke at my eyes…I’ve even tried formula in case my milk isn’t satisfying her but, although she knows perfectly well how to drink from a bottle and doesn’t seem to dislike the taste, she prefers to bite the teat rather than suck!
Sophie says
Babies go through tremendous developmental leaps that can leave them feeling unsettled and overwhelmed. (4 months, 6 months and 9/10 months are ‘biggies’) It is during these periods that I found my children would wake more/need more reassurance (not necessarily more food but physical comfort) Also, during a ‘growth spurt’ babies feed a lot more to build your milk supply up for their increased needs… if you suppliment with formula you actually prevent this positive feedback cycle from happening and so it becomes a self forfilling story that you dont have enough milk. I was also told by a very wise health visitor in the UK that a health baby CANNOT starve itself, it is impossible, they havnt got the mental capability of ignoring/controlling hunger… so if your baby wont eat more its because they are not hungry.
I have 2 children and am due again in June (first in France) and have been practicing lots of firm ‘Non’s to be directed to the many medical staff who seemt to want to take over my birth lol! My gyne doctor said ‘Do you think yourself an expert? I have done this job for 25 years’ at which point I replied.. ‘yes you might have been delivering babies for 25 years but you’ve never actually had one’! As with the previous 2, I will be breastfeeding, co sleeping and NOT staying in hospital for a week….
Jennifer says
Hi Sophie (great name by the way – my daughter’s called Sophie too!). I tend to agree with you about the feeding thing – I only tried formula because I was worried I didn’t have enough milk, and only then after she’d had a good go on both breasts. I honestly believe that she’s not that hungry, but unfortunately the medical “experts” make me doubt my instincts. She’s incredibly active, happy and healthy in every other aspect so I suppose I’ll just have to grow a thick skin and do what I think (and know, in my heart of hearts) is best for her.
I did try “the pause” last night though and it worked – she settled after only a few seconds of whimpering – result!
Jennifer says
what a funny coincidence. my name is jennifer and i named my 7 week old sophie. great minds think a like.
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Amari says
Hi,
I am expecting a little boy in July and reading about sleep training (I live in California but love the idea of French parenting – seems smart and logical). Can you give me more details on how to dealt with a very young baby (first few months of life) and if you did wake her up to feed initially? I’ve just heard scary things about not making up the baby when they are in the first month of life, so I’m curious if you did and then moved into longer moments between?